Picture this: I am four years old, and it’s the fourth of July. I am with my parent’s at one of our family friend’s homes, and I had never seen fireworks before and understood what they were until that day. We were shooting off fireworks, and thought it was just a fine and dandy day, and then my dad decided to let me be the one to light the next one, which just so happened to be a roman candle. He pulled out my little stub of an arm until it was what he deemed to be far enough from my body, and lit the candle. Now, you may be asking, how did both parents think it was a good idea to allow a four year old to light this firework all on her own? Well, my mother was very unaware, and left me with my dad for “like five minutes” while she went to get a hamburger. Back to me holding a firework. Let’s just say it didn’t really go very far forward- it actually shot backward onto my face. Next thing I remember, I’m being rushed through a home I didn’t recognize and my face is being shoved under a bathroom sink faucet. I was in shock, so I really didn’t feel the pain you should normally feel when your nose is on fire, but don’t worry, that came after. All I remember is seeing the pretty bright flames on my face in the reflection of the bathroom mirror.
Twelve years later, I was in the house prepping the food for dinner for my family on the fourth of July, and my sister came in the house and begged me to come out and shoot fireworks with them. I had a flashback to when I was four years old, nose on fire, and told her I was fixing dinner. She was relentless, so I finally said: “Alright, alright, I will come outside and watch you guys set some off.” Well, ten minutes later, I found myself convinced into holding a roman candle as far as my arms would stretch away from my body. Then, my sister lit it. Flashback to when I was four years old, but really it wasn’t just a flashback- it was real life. My face was on fire again.
Whose face catches on fire twice?
About this time last year, I was taking a test in the “testing center” which is this series of large rooms on my college campus where all your class tests are held. I sat down at the desk, and immediately dropped my pencil over the side. It was a popular time for tests that day, because when I looked around, every other desk was full. I decided that leaning over the side of my desk to reach for my pencil would be the least disruptive, so that’s what I did. I knew it was a bad idea as soon as I felt my desk legs begin to lift off the ground, but it was kind of like a horse’s bite, once I started, it was too late to stop. My desk went horizontal within seconds, because it was too lightweight to hold me up. Right as I was preparing myself for the pain I was going to feel when my face hit the ground, I felt hands holding me up. I looked up, and it was my good friend John holding me up; keeping my face from getting carpet burn. I was so excited that he caught me, that I screamed his name in this odd high-pitched voice. We both started laughing, and looked around to see what kind of disruption we had made, and realized EVERYONE was looking (staring to be exact), but NOBODY was laughing.
Who would fall in a room full of people, and no one laugh?
I can remember walking out of the mall back home one day when I was seventeen years old, and I was consumed in answering some important text I had received. I was with my mother, and she had just got done telling me to keep my eyes up, and get off my phone. I looked back to tell her to “mind her own business,” and CLANG. I hit a pole with a sign on top really hard. It didn’t hurt, but it was very loud. Immediately all eyes were on me, a few young girls screamed, and a woman ran over to me to ask if I was alright. I was very embarrassed, and told her yes, I was fine, I just ran into a pole- I would live. Well, apparently a car was passing at the exact moment I ran into the pole, and all the bystanders thought the noise was me being hit by the car. So, everyone standing around (like 30 people) that were “witnesses,” were wide-eyed and frozen in place. You know on movies when someone is shocked while eating an ice cream cone, and the ice cream drops off the cone to the ground? Yeah, that happened. Even the driver of the car thought he had hit me, and had come to a complete stop because of the noise. All eyes on me. All I could do was grab my mother, and get out of there.
Who would run into a pole while texting, and cause a mass disturbance?
Okay, so thanks for reading through all this, I know it was longer than usual, but I just am extremely accident prone, and I had to give a few examples of the crazy things that occur in my life so you could get a good idea of why I am a walking disaster. Embarrassing.
.....still single.
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